My real estate agent had pointed out a bar “for foress” (foreigners) across the street when I first moved to the neighborhood.

I started going in there. One morning afterward, I woke up and shuffled into the bathroom, which was all tore up from my endeavoring to clean the whirlpool bathtub.

As I turned to head back to bed, I saw a pigeon sitting on top of the bathtub infrastructure at the far end of the kitchen. I’d stashed the side of the tub there a week or two earlier. It was one big piece of plastic and fiberglass that covered the two sides of the tub that weren’t up against the wall.

It was disgusting of course. There were the telltale black cockroach fecal dots all on the inside, as well as whatever filth naturally builds up under a tub over the years.

I had it out of the way, sitting by a window. The window was open and letting in all the smog. Outside there was a utility balcony just big enough to hold the air conditioner unit. A pigeon had come in from there and was standing on top of the gross bathtub wall.

I paid it no mind and walked back into the other room.

When I went back to bed, there was a motion under the covers and I jumped. “More pigeons!” I thought. But it was a woman. A very fit tattooed large-breasted naked Chinese woman. I put my arm around this unexpected treat. She threw my arm off with a huff of disgust and left.